Summer Travel — COVID Edition!

Have you Been to That One Corner of Your Hall Closet Yet?

I have a travel bucket list and this summer, I refuse to let a stupid pandemic hold me back.

The world is mine! This small, foam world I found in my kid’s room.

In a shocking and surprising burst of positivity, I’m determined to explore the hyper local, and quite ripe, flavors and experiences of my house and yard. Like the Timothy Hay from the guinea pig that’s been lying on the floor for a few weeks, Taco Tuesday, the sweet scent of scooter knee pads, and my gin-and-tonic lemons! As summer days turns into months, I fully plan on exploring a global wine-list, which in turn supports me, a small, enterprising business struggling to survive.

Shiraz, take me away!

At this point of Shelter-In-Place, I do feel like I need passport stamps for each brave new pant size I’m climbing, but who cares, right? It’s my soul’s expansion that’s important! Like the Lewis and Clark Armchair Travel Agent you’ve always dreamed of, let me map out my Top 10 Summer Travel Goals for you:

1. Feel the thrill of exploring the crawl space under the house for the first time ever! The Hitmen Termite and Pest Control claim it’s pretty awesome.

2. Turn off the light in my closet, go lie down underneath the dresses like I did in mom’s closet when I was a little girl. Bring an exercise roller. Mothball scented massage therapy!

3. Go lie under the hydrangea bush. Ignore children calling for me.

4. Go lie down under the patio table. Ignore children calling for me. Discover lost Tupperware children use to capture bugs.

5. Back the car out of the garage. Find my old roller blades. Choreograph and perform a beautiful and heartbreaking skate routine about a middle-aged woman forced to live in quarantine with feral animals for months on end.

6. Go lie down in the hall closet. Ignore calls from anyone on the outside.

7. Go sit on the deck outside my bedroom.

8. Go sit on the front patio.

9. Take a cruise. Around the neighborhood.

10. Pretend my children are at sleep-away camp.

Are they gone yet?

As an aware, concerned citizen, I sometimes ask myself if my summer travel plans are sustainable, but that’s like asking the Tiger King if he would have been a great President, the answer obviously being sh*t yes.

Danny Kaye said, “To travel is to take a journey into yourself” and it’s true. Thank you, Covid-19! I’m breaking ground on new emotional territory every day, the depths of which can’t really be described, but if my therapist could sum it up in a word it would be “Huh.” I’m a terrible travel companion and it must be admitted that the people, culture and lifestyle of this one house leave much to be desired. It’s going to be rough, even with the Gewurtraminer wine. Like a semester abroad in the Tower of London with a bad case of Stockholm syndrome.

The good news is that after a terrible vacation, I’m always so grateful to come home.

Oh.